“RELATIONSHIP GOALS” IS A CUTE LIL ROM COM (WITH QUESTIONABLE ROM ADVICE)

On paper, Relationship Goals is a very specific kind of rom-com: glossy, millennial-coded, and engineered to activate your nostalgia receptors on sight. Kelly Rowland—still unfairly luminous—plays Leah Caldwell, a morning-show producer with boss-babe credentials, boss babe shoulder pads, and a clear path to replacing her retiring boss Dan (played by Matt Walsh). She’s inches from the glass ceiling when the network does that thing networks do and throws her into a competitive job-off.

Forever the type-a striver, Leah's been working towards becoming the first female showrunner of "Better Day USA" for years now. But when the network demands to see another candidate too, she’s forced to work alongside her cheating ex Jarrett Roy (played by a conveniently sexy Method Man), whose charm has aged like a good leather jacket.

If the idea of one-third of Destiny’s Child circling back romantically with one-ninth of Wu-Tang Clan doesn’t at least pause your scrolling thumb, you might be stronger than most of us who grew up with their music playing at formative moments. Nostalgia is the bait—and the movie knows it.

That's Why I Have a List.

More than most rom-com directors, Relationship Goals director Linda Mendoza understands the power of a big cheesy scene. Like, say, one where three close-knit girlfriends blow off steam on an empty club dance floor at 9pm, or a road trip montage where Method Man sings his heart out to 90s bops. A lot of Relationship Goals is unabashedly old-fashioned, though half of it feels like an ad for old-fashioned values. But more on that later.

For a lot the film, the hook works. The film moves. Mendoza wastes zero time getting us from beat to beat; those 90 minutes fly. The script, from a three-writer team, speed-runs through pretty much every rom-com trope you can think of. A former lover turned professional rival, a road trip montage, a falling in love montage, morning after regrets, enemies-to-lovers, aaaabbs, and yes, a mad dash through an airport.

Characters arrive fully armed with exposition, quippy jokes, and emotional shorthand. Leah’s friends—"Better Day" show host Brenda Phelps (played by A Black Lady Sketch Show's Robin Thede) and make-up artist Treese Moore (played by Annie Gonzalez), who get parallel love stories about how difficult it is to be a modern woman—exist largely to explain things quickly and remind us that a woman ain't nothing without a man. (An emergency engagement plan called "Project Put a Ring on It" lets you know exactly what frequency we’re on.) It’s functional, breezy, and self-aware enough to pass the basic-rom-com test...Just not the Bechdel Test.

Plus thanks to the magic of streaming you can now pause anything at any time and pick up on fun little details. Like, I don’t know if I'd recommend you watch Relationship Goals— like at all — but if you do, I do recommend you pause it towards the end. There’s a scene where Kelly Rowland looks at a multi-page printout of her long list of demands, aka her green flags. It’s full of unreasonable requirements, like having a 401K (in this economy?), but also very reasonable demands, like well-groomed nose hair. Not "no" nose hair. Apparently she likes nose hair. She just needs it well-groomed. Fair enough.

If the Man is the Head, the Woman is the Neck.

The film also asks us to forgive a lot—including a deeply unserious understanding of how television news works. The set-up revolves entirely around two producers competing for a major network role, and getting three weeks to deliver a Valentine’s Day fluff segment in order to prove themselves worthy of the gig. (Makes sense to me.) As the soundtrack hops from Victoria Monét to the Doobie Brothers, by the time we’re hurtling toward that airport-run climax that involves an empty bomb threat (???), the movie is already daring you to stop caring.

It’s only after you’ve already clicked play and settled in that the movie quietly reveals its true identity. This is a PG-13, faith-forward romance aimed at women who might be spending Valentine’s Day alone and wondering what it all means.

From the sassy gay assistant to the questionable gender politics, there are more than a few ways Relationship Goals feels like a throwback to the glossy rom-coms of the 2000s. But perhaps the most obvious is that the whole premise is based on a self-help book—a niche trend that previously gave us He’s Just Not That Into You, Think Like A Man, and What To Expect When You’re Expecting.

Here, the self-help book in question is an explicitly faith-based dating guide, also titled Relationship Goals, by real-life Oklahoma megachurch pastor Michael Todd, who pops up in the movie to shill his ideas about "dating intentionally" because you can’t "Facebook faithfulness" or "Instagram integrity". While that alone sounds harmless enough, Todd’s also got some slightly more dubious thoughts on how women need to lower their standards while giving their cheating playboy exes a second chance. 

It's painfully clear that Amazon's Prime's Relationship Goals is deeply invested in the worldview of this celebrity pastor whose bestselling book is also available on Amazon. His teachings aren’t just referenced. They’re baked in. The characters defer to him. They center their big on-air segment around him and his wife. They literally travel to his megachurch, not just for plot momentum or sing-along road-trip vibes, but to underline the point.

And once you clock that framework, the movie’s priorities start to snap into focus.

Strip away the rom-com gloss and familiar faces, and what’s left starts to feel less like a movie and more like a sleek, feature-length endorsement.

And yet.

See You On the Plane, Queen.

There is something undeniably pleasant about the ride if you choose not to interrogate it too closely. The chemistry is charming. The pacing is kind, if not a little strange. The faces are familiar. And if you can squint past the theology lesson and treat it like what it wants to be—a light, nostalgic romp with just enough sparkle to distract—you might even enjoy yourself.

3/5 ★: Watch it only if you want a light, no-effort rom-com to pass the time.